The Departed

I've neglected my dear blog and I do apologize. I've had a whirlwind few weeks and blogging is the last thing I've been inspired to do. First Sadhana. After six weeks living and volunteering and veganing it up I began to feel the travel itch once again. It just so happens that a few girls from Sadhana were heading up towards Delhi around the same time I felt like leaving so I decided to roll up with them on the train. A few turned into six of us western ladies smooshed in the middle of an Indian sleeper carriage. There were times when I felt so sad to be leaving Sadhana, times when I felt relieved, and times when i couldn't even think about anything at all. For the first time in seven months I felt like I had found a home. I lived there for six weeks. Longer than I'd spent anywhere during my travels since I'd left home. I met so many amazing people there and I know that I'll be back at Sadhana in the future. I laughed, I cried, I pooed( a lot) I danced and sung, I ate, I sweat ed a hell of a lot, I crashed, I puked, I swam, I rode, I slept, I cooked, I talked and I learned. And all things in between. Living in a community taught me many things about myself and my life and I know I'll keep on learning from my experiences at Sadhana for a long while to come. On a spiritual note, I've been feeling like the universe is trying to tell me something lately. My life in India has taken many turns, many happy and helpful, but many more tragic and humiliating and painful. And I keep asking myself why are all these things happening to me now, in close proximity to each other, and in India? Possibly to grow as a person in as difficult an environment as possible? To learn the value and glory of life? To slow down? To take chances, to not take chances? To try new things and throw myself out of my comfort level and into the traffic of India? I have been struggling with all these questions, and I hope through some meditation and some time spent at an ashram I will find some guidance from within.
After falling off the motorbike I fell into different patterns of thought. Thoughts of how short life is, and how quickly things can change and how fragile human beings are. I felt stupid for taking myself far away from all the people I love so dearly to selfishly explore on my own. I felt sad to be away from my family and friends and Sean when it was all i wanted. Luckily I was surrounded by loving friends and the first week after I managed quite well considering it would have been prime material to jump ship and fly home with. And after returning to Sadhana I wandered around like a lost soul not knowing where I fit in and where I could go from here. I knew when I felt ready I would know and the traveling would begin again. So I got back into the community and all that it entails, and one day I woke up and knew I was ready to move on. And i busted out the guidebook from the bottom of my backpack and excitedly began planning.
That afternoon I checked my email and found out that my mentor and friend from UW Printmaking program, Larry Sommers had passed away from a heart attack. I sat at the computer at Sadhana shocked and saddened and helpless. If I was in a daze before it was nothing compared to the sadness I felt at Larry's loss. He was there from the very first printmaking class I took at school. Always in his office ready for political discussions and xeroxing and printmaking talk. He helped me to become the artist and person I am today and I am forever indebted to him for all his guiding help and friendship. The loneliness and helplessness that comes with losing someone never gets any easier. And being in India, the closure thing doesn't really happen because I'm so far removed from that reality.
Shit my pants. Got in a motorbike accident. Lost a friend. Terrible things always come in threes right? Yeah I thought so too.
Leaving day at Sadhana was extremely difficult. It came sooner than any of us expected. And Josh and Tobin, two people I really love and am so grateful to have met at Sadhana had just returned two hours before we were all set to leave. But we hugged and waved and hopped in the taxi, and said goodbye to my Indian home.
And let the travelling begin. Five western ladies crusing in the back of an Indian bus filled with nothing but Indian men. Munchin on doughnuts and samosas and sugary drinks oh my goodbye to healthy vegan commune life. Traveling in India is crazy exhausting. Heat and staring and crazy sidewalks and interesting? smells and you never really know what is going on. However after a taxi and a bus and another bus and a bit of a walk we landed in our train compartment, met up with Ava, a lovely greek girl we had met in Auroville and began the 36 hour train journey from Chennai to Delhi.
All I did for that thirty something hours was sleep and eat and sweat and repeat. The sleeper was surprisingly comfortable and you sort of get used to dozing off and waking up to a dozen Indian men staring at you. The veg briyani and chai is ever flowing and you dont even have to leave your seat to indulge in ice cream and samosas and idli and eughhh tons o crap.
We pulled into Delhi bright and early at about 7 in the morning. And the city greeted me with eh, lets say about twenty guys pooing alongside the train tracks with their dongs hanging out. Hell-O INDIA! Jess led us around through Paraganj and into a guest house and we'd made it!
also i dont know why the first few pictures are so big, but it took so long to upload them that i'm leaving it!