Even farm girls get the blues

Farm life has come to a close. Had a lovely last week and watched as Amanda and then Hanna left and new wwoofers came in their place. Used my woodcut education and hand carved a sign for the farm, nursed a baby kittie back to life, did some watering, sea swimming, cooking, and hitchiking. Made gruel and sprinkled cornflakes on it, saw a PHAT snake in the egg nest, swam at Kouruta one last time, learned a little greek, enough to hitch at least. I will miss farm life. Weird and uncomfortable as it is, it has grown close to my heart. I'll miss the smell of dirt and onions and hot tomatoes. I'll miss the porch and pots of tea and doing laundry in the hot sun. It was weird to be there without Amanda and then without Hanna as they went onward.

I found myself in a rare place. All alone one evening, for the first time in like three months. I sat and ate some dinner, drank some tea and wrote. Wrote one of those life lists and listened to the transistor. It was beautiful. And short lived. I reminisced on things passed and knew I shouldn't. I am starting to get kinda depressed upon my return to America; jobs, schedules, cars, deadlines, stress, etc. And I am even more terrified that I will forget this glorious year of my life and revert back to the unhinged lunatic I once was and who is still buried deep deep in there. Making random appearances here and there but not living on the surface anymore. I don't want to be her anymore, I don't want America to do that to me. I will fight it. I will meditate on it and write books and traipse at home, in my own way. I remember that there were points- (mostly in India when I was shitting my brains out with rats and cockroaches crawling on me) that I felt ready to go home to comfort and couch and orange juice. But now I feel lost, listless and unexcited. I feel like my year of glorious life is over. I know I will travel more, I love travel more than I ever expected and I will see Africa, I will live in Spain and Japan. I will go to Austria. And New York City. And the South. And I will still hitchike- which RULES btw.
And I will need to make some money to do this, I will and do have to return. And I do miss my family and friends and Berger, but I'm not ready to settle down yet. And I don't think I should be.
So, I've got the blues. I'm also reading Even Cowgirls get the blues which is a hitchiking woman's bible, which is giving me a little hope about the U.S. Maybe I'll go learn to ride horses and work on a Ranch for a while. Why the hell not?
Also adding to the blues is the fact that Sean probably won't even be home when I get home. The one thing that I look forward to more than anything, the one thing that stops me from canceling my ticket and taking off to Liberia. He will probably still be in China. And its an awesome opportunity for him, and I'm the one who left for a year, but it just seems like the cherry on the shit mud pie got thrown out and now all i've got is a pile of mud on the table. With cornflakes sprinkled onto it.
I will go home though, in eight days. And I will face what comes.
Enough of this crappy debbie downer.

In other news I met up with Amanda and Hanna yesterday in Athens and they promply threw my blues out the subway car. Waiting for me with a sign at the metro, you'd think it'd been longer than a week we'd been apart. We wandered all over Athens in search of post offices which would mail parcels and tattoo shops. And drank some beers and ate some pita. And her glorious cousin put us up in the swank suburbs of athens. With HOT water, a mirror in the bathroom, cold delicious wine, and the comfiest bed I've slept in since Anna loaned me her bed in India. We sail for Santorini tonight and will head to a bookstore where Amanda has a job and all the dudes sleep in beds made out of bookshelves. Hanna and I might crash on the roof if there isn't any room and watch the full moon rise over Ia.
And I'll get my fig tattoo today. Screw the blues. I got my ladies and a Greek Island. I'm gonna live it up while I got it.